How To Eat Healthy Like A Man On The Dude Diet

Guys are under so much pressure from society to eat like pigs. The assumption is it’s manly to eat full pound burgers topped with 6 strips of bacon between Krispy Creme donuts. Well here’s how to eat healthy like a man on The Dude Diet.

The Dude Diet!

Brah. Yo. Fried chicken is not an appropriate breakfast food. I know you think it’s the shit if you put it between an English muffin, top with a fried egg, cheese, maybe sriracha (actually that sounds kind of good). BUT, that shit ain’t good for you. I know you can beast that fucker in like 2 bites and if you can, you’re not being a badass. You’re being a fatass. Dude, we need to have a Wingtervention. So bruh, let me tell you about The Dude Diet.

So, last November I attended this CranMa thing with Ocean Spray where a bunch of bloggers ate a turkey dinner in Rockefeller Center inside a cranberry bog that they erected right where the Christmas Tree would go in December. You can read all about it here. I sat down at the table with Alejandra Ramos of Always Order Dessert, Arlyn, Osborne of The Millenial Kitchen, and Serena Wolf of Domestic Me. Serena and I got to talking about her new book, The Dude Diet.

When Serena said I just came out with this book The Dude Diet. My response was “…with weed?”. And she was like “NO! Not THAT dude! So, because it’s no secret that guys like to eat the world’s worst foods and even get called a pussy if we don’t. Seriously, don’t even think of getting a salad after the game or you just might get your ass kicked. Serena penned a book for guys who can still eat like guys, but at least be somewhat healthy in doing so.

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Serena Wolf, Author of The Dude Diet. You can find her on:

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True Fact: I Kind Of Eat Like An Asshole

So, here’s a true story, It was September 7th 2016 and I went to open a can of crab meat. Our crappy can opener did a awful job opening the ginormous can and the metal was still attached to the can in two points. Kid’s do not do this at home…or anywhere…ever. I tried to pry the lid open with a butter knife. While holding the jagged lid, my thumb slipped and I cut myself REALLY BADLY on the can. I nicked the nerve, sliced right through the tendon, and because I reacted to the cut by pulling my hand away, there was blood everywhere. It looked like Dexter had done his thing in our kitchen. 1 ER trip, a surgery, and 6 months of Occupational Therapy later my thumb is only really half what it used to be. At least I can still play PS4 though.

What does that have to do with anything, you may ask? To get my surgery, I needed a referral from my doctor and men never see their doctor because we are fucking invincible (spoiler alert: we’re not). So my doc did my physical and gave me a blood test and calls me with the results a day or so later. It was during lunch time and I was right about to bite into my ham and cheese sandwich with mayo and mustard on a pretzel bun. She calls and tells me my cholesterol is through the roof, especially the bad cholesterol. I saw the report later and my total cholesterol was 310 (most of it bad), and my triglycerides were absurdly high. I took one look at my sandwich, put it down, and never took that first glorious bite.

I heart you, bacon, but we need to see less of each other. Maybe I’ll only eat the occasional Duck BLT and sparingly concoct drinks like this Spicy Bacon Whiskey Soda. Ugh, Bacon Month almost killed me.

I was literally in a panic because I’ve never eaten healthy. I had no idea how to do it. I was talking to my friend Jacqui of Dishing Delish and she goes, “Jesus Christ, Matt, Just eat a fucking salad!” And she was right. I was still panicking and one night I went to the Whole Foods salad bar and loaded up on all that good stuff; mixed greens, tofu nuggets, olives, stuffed grape leaves, whatever. I also got some granola and yogurt. I had the salad for dinner, which the cat wanted to share and wasn’t very happy that he couldn’t eat any of it. And had the yogurt for dessert. I’ll be damned if that wasn’t the most delicious meal I’ve EVER had. 

Mark Bittman Has His Vegan Before 6 Diet which I could never do because 1) It’s lame and 2) I’m a food blogger and that would get in my way, professionally. Instead I decided to just eat 1 salad a day and maybe yogurt and granola for breakfast. I lost 20 pounds and lowered my cholesterol to normal levels, with the help of statins which I reluctantly took.

My point is, us guys are utterly clueless when it comes to eating healthy. Not only are we shamed for doing it, we’re also viewed by our bros as a fucking champion if we eat 50 McNuggets in one sitting.

I call that the Fuck It Bucket. When your night went so poorly you just say fuck it and eat all the McNuggets.

The Dude Diet?

So I literally just wrote 861 words and barely even got down to the point of this post. Whoops. So I had Serena Wolf send me a couple of copies of The Dude Diet; one for me and one for you guys. There’s a raffle below and you should enter to win your own copy of The Dude Diet. Just follow the steps below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Stovetop Parmesan-Ranch Popcorn

I’ve made a bunch of recipes in the book. The shakshuka makes a great dinner and a brunch that’s easy AF. The recipe that really caught my eye though was the Stovetop Parmesean-Ranch Popcorn. So, one super effective way to lower your cholesterol is by eating a high fiber diet and popcorn is an excellent source of fiber. It’s actually a health food! Movie popcorn and microwave popcorn aren’t because they’re coated with…god knows what. But, home-made popcorn, or Skinny Pop, or Smartfood brands are a healthy food and the perfect way to get snacky and be guilt free.

So here’s how to make Old School Stovetop Parmesan-Ranch Popcorn from The Dude Diet. First you need popcorn kernels. You can buy organic corn for popping from Whole Food’s bulk bin, and Bob’s Red Mill, or just go for the GMO stuff from Orville Redenbacher.

Rub dried parsley between your fingers and let the resulting coarse powder fall into a small bowl.  Add onion powder, garlic powder, smoked paprika, fine grain salt, freshly ground black pepper, and a pinch or cayenne to that bowl and stir to combine. Heat 2 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil to a large pot and swirl to make sure it coats the bottom. Place the pot over medium heat, add 3 kernels and cover. Now listen for the 3 kernels to pop, when they do that means the oil is hot enough. Add the rest of the popcorn and cover. Cook until the popping sounds have stopped; shaking occasionally (about 4-5 minutes).

Now here is the crucial part. While the popcorn is still warm, dump it into a VERY large bowl. Drizzle with 2 tablespoons of olive oil and toss with your hands. Then add some parmesan (the heat melts the cheese) and toss some more. Finally, add the spices, and keep tossing until the popcorn is well coated. Then get your snack on, bruh!

Print

Stovetop Parmesan-Ranch Popcorn

Popcorn is the perfect snack. Low calorie, high fiber, and fills you up without filling you out.

Total Time 10 minutes

Servings 2

Author Serena Wolf

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 Teaspoons dried parsley
• 1 Teaspoon onion powder
• 3/4 Teaspoon garlic powder
• 3/4 Teaspoon smoked paprika
• 1/2 Teaspoon fine-grain sea salt
• 1/4 Teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• Pinch of cayenne
• 4 Tablespoons Extra-virgin olive oil divided
• 1/2 Cup Popcorn kernels
• 1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese

Instructions

1. Over a small bowl and rub the parsley between your fingers until it becomes a coarse powder. Add the remaining spices to the bowl and stir to combine.
2. Pour 2 tablespoons of olive oil into a large, deep pot and swirl to coat the bottom. place the pot over medium heat, add 3 kernels of popcorn and cover. When all 3 kernels pop that means the oil is hot enough. Add the rest of the popcorn to the pot, cover, and give it a few shakes. (Hold the lid tightly when you shake, you don’t want any kitchen accidents). Cook the popcorn, shaking occasionally until the popping sounds have stopped. (about 4-5 minutes)
3. Immediately pour the popcorn into a VERY large bowl. Drizzle with 2 tablespoons of olive oil and toss with your hands. Add the parmesan cheese and toss again. Finally add the spice mixture and toss until well coated.
4. Last step, get your snack on bruh!

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